I’ve been talking with some local writing friends about what the heck I’m doing with this blog, all the while not sharing it with them. And I apologize to anyone reading this for the continued gaze at “what I’m doing here.” It will take me a while to figure it out.

As an anonymous writer, I am writing privately but also publicly. No one is reading yet so I am even writing more privately for now. The blogging world is strange. And frankly? I’m sick of the word blog. Gah. I am of the mind that it’s been misused and misapplied – a “web log” is not what this is.

It may be a journal.

Or a platform.

Or a soapbox.

Or just a place to whine and kick and complain.

It could be many things. Do I want to write about the throttle of religion in the states? Yes. Do I want to write about parenting? Kind of, as in, I am a parent so I will undoubtedly reference it. I don’t want this to be a “parenting blog” or a “mommy blog” (ick, shiver, much dramatic fake fainting). Perish the thought. Then again, I did name this space HereticMama. So, I won’t be taking the mama out of the equation. Certainly, being a parent shapes my perspective.

Why do I resist the parenting/mommy label? I suppose it’s because it flattens me, it negates me too. This is, of course, why I’m in therapy – to stay focused and aware of me (me! me! me! all the time, me!) and to not be consumed by the parenting experience. I’m often thinking, how have all the other people in the world managed this? Has parenting always been so draining? No doubt we are over-obsessed with the self today, in the west especially, but I can’t imagine that anyone with a child doesn’t explore on some level the togetherness/separateness question. But that’s a topic for another post I suppose…

Back to the task at hand – figuring this out.

Once again, I’m saying, bear with me. It will get better, more clear.

I could just write stories about what I think about my life so far, but I want to make room for what is happening right now, in this very moment.

I could lambast my culture, which no doubt I’ll indulge in some.

I could practice being funny.

I could, ala Allie Brosh, draw pictures of bears. Seeing as how she’s a lot better at that than me, I’ll leave the bears to her.

So, if that last one had you worried – relax, you can cross it off your list.